Down For The Count

We here at Behind the Pillar would be remiss if we didn't mention the growing scandal involving Tim Donaghy, gambling, the Soprano family, the 1985 NBA Draft lottery, Michael Jordan's first retirement, and Pete Rose. To be perfectly honest, though, this reporter is neither shocked nor all that disturbed by the current accusations of game fixing in the NBA, for this reporter remembers the 1995 NBA Finals. Am I the only one who remembers Nick Anderson hitting Mario Elie with a chair while Rick Bavetta (Dick's evil twin) teed up Rudy Tomjanovich? Am I the only one who remembers an Olajuwon free throw being disallowed due to Hakeem illegally using the steel plate in his arm to give himself an unfair advantage?

Wait a minute...there's a good possibility I've confused this situation with one or more Wrestlemanias.

On a lighter note, kudos to the city of Phoenix for taking the news that your team was the victim of a legitimate screwjob this postseason so well. And just think, only a few more days until pads for the Cardinals!

-Fonty

Who's Now

In America, we love to compare things. Lebron vs Dwayne. Peyton vs Brady. Bird vs Taurasi. Well I want to compare something, because goddammit I'm American.

My first attempt will be an easy one.

Horse vs Cow

Pro

Horses are arguably the most honorable species behind humans and the William's sisters.

Cows have milk.

Con

Horses remind us of Linda Cohn.

Cows remind us of John Kruk.

Verdict (for those who are following this)

With the recent shut down of horse slaughtering plants and the inexplicable taboo associated with eating horse, the almighty Cow is awarded the Behind the Piller What's for Dinner Award.

No Love

This year's ratings for Wimbledon are out, and the news is less than stellar. This year's final between Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal drew a 3.2 rating. By comparison, that week's rerun of "How I Met Your Mother" drew a 4.2. The most dominant athlete of the last decade facing off against his only true rival drew over a million fewer viewers than a rerun of the exploits of Neil Patrick Harris. Then again, I shouldn't be surprised; after all, "According to Jim" is still on the air. And people wonder why we have no credibility in world affairs anymore.

-Fonty

Tumbleweed Rolls By...

It's safe to say that today is the slowest sports day of the year. With none of the big 4 leagues in action, there isn't really anything important happening. The ESPY's and Darko signing with the Grizzlies, who cares? Let's hope something actually happens tomorrow that doesn't involve Pacman Jones or Rashard Lewis. So on that note, grab a beer like our young friend up there and enjoy a boring evening. Maybe spend some time with those one people you live with, family, or whatever. You know, the ones that normally interrupt games with their "Dad, I told you I need lunch money!" or "Honey, the house is on fire!". Losers.

-Boots

Stop Dragan My Heart Around

With the NBA Draft rapidly vanishing from our collective rear view mirror, this reporter decided to take a look into the current situation of several players from the Old World who found about as much success in the New as Ponce de Leon did. This is "Where Are They Now, European NBA Star Edition."

1. Dragan Tarlac (No. 31, Chicago Bulls, 1995)

Original Team: Olympiakos in the Greek Professional League

Known For: Being the starting center over Brad Miller in NBA Live 2001

Immediately After: Won Eurobasket 2001, a title given each year to the fastest basket weaver in southeastern Europe under the age of 73

Currently: Owns a Pottery Barn in Belgrade. Known to remark to slovenly customers, "Don't be a Slobodan!"


2. Efthimios Rentzias (No. 23, Denver Nuggets, 1996)

Original Team: PAOK Thessaloniki in the Greek Professional League

Known For: Being the only European who actually wanted to play in Philadelphia

Immediately After: Announced his retirement in 2006 due to a nagging injury related to goat farming

Currently: Goat farmer on the island of Mepos. Placed last in the Greek version of "Are You Hot?"


3. Mirsad Turkan (No. 18, Houston Rockets, 1998)

Original Team: Efes Pistan Istanbul in Turkey

Known For: Numerous awards and titles in the Turkish Professional League (ooooooh!)

Immediately After: Married Miss Serbia and Montenegro 2005

Currently: Pageant husband and custom wig maker. Wim Wenders has a restraining order against him.


4. Olumide Oyedeji (No. 42, Seattle Supersonics, 2000)

Original Team: Wurzburg in Germany

Known For: Bringing great shame to Nigerian basketball players everywhere

Immediately After: Became a star with the Seoul Samsung Thunders

Currently: Evading a fatwa related to his eating of "unorthodox" meats in South Korea


5. Nikoloz Tskitishvili (No. 5, Denver Nuggets, 2002)

Original Team: Unknown (to this writer, at least)

Known For: Being one of the biggest draft busts of all time

Currently: Despite all evidence to the contrary, still in the NBA. Was waived after 23 days by the Knicks for inadequacy in keeping Stephon Marbury's seat warm.


6. Darko Milicic (No. 2, Detroit Pistons, 2003)

Original Team: Someone in Serbia (anyone else noticing a theme here?)

Known For: Being picked ahead of Dwyane Wade, Carmelo Anthony, Chris Bosh, while making fewer contributions than Keith Bogans

Immediately After: Will fulfill commitment to Serbian Army to "cleanse the land with the blood of the wicked" for at least 2 years

Currently: One of the most sought-after free agents in the league. Orlando in particular seeks to sign him to a long-term deal, with GM Otis Smith saying "Points, rebounds, blocks, steals, blah, blah, blah. What Darko does for us can't be measured with 'stats' or 'meaningful contributions.' He gives us another six fouls to use against DeSagana Diop, and you can't put a price on that."


I hope this trip down Memory Lane (or, as the Dutch would call it, "De Steeg van het geheugen") has been as memorable for you as it has for me. Thanks to Wikipedia for being the primary source of user-edited information.


-Fonty

50 Years Later

Just a quick observation. Greg Oden has the face of a computer-generated aging image.

Drugs Only Grow on the North Side

One thing I've learned from watching years of sports, is that Fox has a tendency to hire horrible broadcasters. From Joe Buck calling football to, well, Joe Buck calling baseball, the network is full of random athletes/nerds who don't know what they are talking about. Thankfully, one of them will not be heard from again:

Broadcaster Bill Maas, a former All-Pro lineman, was released from jail Sunday after his arrest on drug possession and weapons charges during a roadside check. Maas and passenger Sarah Murphy were released Sunday and ordered to return to court August 21, jail officials said.

The two were arrested Friday night after authorities stopped Maas’ sport utility vehicle along Illinois Route 116 . They asked to search the vehicle after Maas appeared nervous, officials said. The search uncovered a .22-caliber revolver, 5 grams of suspected marijuana, 6 grams of suspected cocaine and 28 pills of Ecstasy, police said.

Unfortunately, his genetic twin Brian Baldinger wasn't along for the ride.

-Boots